Temple Guardians - Oversized Heavyweight Hoodie

Hear yeee, traveller! Every dungeon crawling quest begins with choosing the right gear. Therefore, say no to fast fashion and choose to help protect the enchanted forests and mystical rivers of this revered land by snagging a made to order, oversized heavyweight hoodie featuring 'Canopic Jars', an original design by WizardBones. Each product is only printed when ordered so as to help mitigate overproduction and to reduce fabric waste.

Canopic Jars

Hours from civilisation, buried deep within the Egyptian desert, stands an ancient open-air temple so remote and unremarkable that few people even know it exists. Its perimeter walls are decorated with unusually large hieroglyphs depicting a strange figure descending from the heavens, surrounded by kneeling Egyptians. Archaeologists believe the site was once used by a small and forgotten religious sect, though the nature of their worship remains unknown. At the centre of the courtyard stands a perfectly circular stone door, sealed for thousands of years and guarded by two fifteen-foot Doberman-headed statues carved from black stone.

Then, one morning, the silence of the desert was broken by the distant thrum of engines. First came the helicopters, circling overhead, followed by convoys of unmarked trucks and men in identical, insignia-less uniforms. They spoke with American accents but wore nothing identifying who they worked for. The nearby archaeological dig was immediately shut down and evacuated, while armed security established a one-mile exclusion zone and no-fly restriction around the temple. The archaeologist watched from a rocky outcrop as the site was swallowed by personnel and equipment before slipping away across the desert and climbing into an elevated cliff face overlooking the temple's central courtyard.

From there, he watched. Among the operatives stood a pale, strangely dressed civilian who appeared to have no obvious role. He approached the ancient circular door and slowly raised one hand towards the sealed entrance. What happened next, the archaeologist could never properly explain. The stone seemed to shudder beneath the man's outstretched hand, dust falling from its ancient surface as a thin gap appeared around the edge. There was no machinery, no visible mechanism and no explosion; yet the enormous door began to shift, almost reluctantly, as though some invisible force had persuaded it to move.

Minutes later, a team wearing white hazmat suits entered and had emerged carrying four ancient canopic jars, each enclosed within a transparent laboratory containment case. Even from a distance, their unfamiliar markings and unusual construction were unmistakable. Then the civilian slowly turned his head towards the cliffs. The archaeologist felt a sudden pressure behind his eyes.

Everything went black.

When he awoke at dawn, the temple was gone. The perimeter walls had been demolished, the courtyard reduced to rubble and the ancient guardian statues smashed beyond recognition. Only two enormous Doberman heads remained discernible amongst the debris, their black stone faces staring blindly across the desert. There were no helicopters, no trucks, no personnel, no equipment and no trace of the four containment cases.

The temple had been destroyed so completely that it seemed someone had wanted to erase not only what had been housed within it, but had also wanted to erase the fact that the temple had ever been there.

What did they know?

And who—or what—exactly had those ancient Egyptians been worshipping?

• Breathable 60% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton, 40% polyester fleece

• Brushed interior fleece for a soft, cozy feel

• Roomy, unisex fit—goes big on comfort

• Double-layered, no-drawcord hood

• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place your order, which is why it takes a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!